I can now exhale. There was a decent chance the walk would have to be pushed back due to Elika’s broken ankle. Yesterday brought news that her recovery time is much better than expected so March 10this still a go and just two months away. The anticipation is driving me a bit batty.
So, happy new year! I must admit I have never placed much stock in the transition of one year to the next. I was doing dishes when the clock struck midnight. I did manage to give a heartfelt “woo!” while scrubbing a plate of buffalo chicken dip. I wish I could be as excited as those people in Times Square. They seem a jolly lot. And even if I do not celebrate the progression of a calendar, this is the year I attempt to walk across the country.
I am asked two questions a lot. Why are you doing this? My short answer is what I say on my home page. I talk about Tolkien and self-discovery. That is true, but in my heart I know it to be a simple truth. There is a complex personal truth to that question that I have not shared. It is difficult to verbalize. I am not even sure how to say it other than I am doing this for me. I need to do this for myself. Maybe one day I will find a voice that allows me to better explain it.
Which brings me to the second question and the title of this post. What if I fail? I have given this question too much thought and yet it still lingers in my head nagging at me. I of course do not wish to fail and have no intention of doing so, but it is a possibility. I think it depends on the nature of the failure. If I am injured and forced to stop, I can accept that although the disappointment would be crushing. It would be the same if some emergency drew me back home. After all, these two scenarios do not rule out making another attempt.
Failure due to difficulty is not an option. After all, that is the point, isn’t it? I am not attempting this because it is easy. I cannot stop due to a string of bad luck or sore muscles or the desire to lay down in my own bed. I will guard myself against such a failure fiercely. I hope that makes sense to you. But look what I have discovered already about myself! I say I want self-discovery on this walk and it seems I am already getting it, and I have yet to take my first step.